Finding my place in the outdoors
Whether it was observing the mountains on the horizon in my hometown, embracing what felt like endless snowy weather, or wandering about little forested areas with my friends after school, nature was always a pretty integral part of everyday life growing up. I’ve always had a pretty strong interest in outdoor adventures and as a child I remember flipping through my dads copies of National Geographic imagining having a career travelling to far off places photographing for them. My favourite class in Junior High was my Outdoor Education elective which holds some of my fondest memories spanning between learning survival skills, being on field trips or just generally the experiences we gained through the course. When I was in High School I started having more prominent health issues, I had to quit most physical activities, put on some weight, and started feeling like certain things (particularly outdoor or athletic pursuits) weren’t for me anymore. Between 16-25 I felt as though because I wasn’t super fit and because I struggled to find technical kit that fit properly or made me feel comfortable, it only confirmed my suspicions that I was not meant to explore or have an adventurous life. I would get frustrated at my body when I wouldn’t be able to do what I remembered my body being able to do effortlessly in the past and generally was so discouraged.
Toward the end of 2020 after a pretty bumpy year I decided to make a huge effort towards improving my mental health and one of the things that made the biggest difference was implementing more time outside in nature. It started off with daily walks around my local parks and as the months progressed I began swimming again for the first time in years. Going swimming was a bit of a revelation as I was so ashamed about my body and hid it for so many years, but on one balmy spring afternoon my flatmate and I went for a swim in a local small loch. The feeling of pure joy I had from the experience erased all my worries and concerns I’d had before getting in. I started questioning why the outdoors should be reserved for those who look a certain way or are of able-bodies when anyone can benefit from spending time in nature. I began wild camping in the highlands, swimming outdoors whenever I could and started hillwalking again. The more I started going out and exploring, the more I met other likeminded individuals and found an online community with those who explore the outdoors with their own chronic health conditions, disabilities, or used the outdoors as a means to improve their mental wellbeing which proved further that there is no need to be excluded.
It’s so hard to believe that just a year ago I faced so much performance anxiety and insecurities which prevented me from going out and doing things I love and from trying new experiences. I have never felt more at ease in who I am as a person or in my body than I have in the last 8 months and I believe so much of that comes down to spending more time connecting with nature. There is no “right” way to explore or experience something so long as you remain safe and responsible.