Personal thoughts on fear & ways to confront it

I’ve been told by friends previously that they’re envious of my bravery and confidence as they could never do so many of the things I’ve done but to be honest this always takes me completely off-guard. Sure I’ve done “brave” things such as solo-travelling as a woman, moving to brand new cities, countries and continents where I know absolutely no one, and starting a business straight out of university. I love trying new things and am more than happy to strike up a chat with someone I don’t know well or with a stranger. But I also worry about a lot, second guess myself and am an incredibly anxious person. Fear dictates a lot in my life across the board but especially when it comes to physical activities and capabilities.

My overarching sense of fear and anxiety increased dramatically when I was in my mid-late teens due to a confusing health condition that literally left me breathless with no treatment or easing of symptoms besides avoiding being active. Frankly it was scary, traumatic and it was a long time before these symptoms subsided enough to be comfortable to start to take any kind of physical risks again. I was afraid of pushing myself too hard, I was petrified of relapsing into an eating disorder which originally began as a result of no longer being able to be active in the way that I had always known and gyms became really triggering and toxic environments so I tended to avoid them. At the beginning of 2020 I felt the most hopeful about things since this all started nearly 10 years ago but it wasn’t long before the rug got swept out from under me. I experienced what now has been identified as a depressive episode and further anxiety during our national lockdown in the spring/summer where I really struggled to do anything even the things I loved. On top of more chronic illnesses coming to light at the back end of 2020 (the year that keeps on giving)! These experiences and worries led to being too afraid to say yes to things out of fear — A. I was afraid of being unable to do the activity and disappointing myself and B. I was afraid of disappointing those who wanted to do these activities with me if I failed. It was a tough thing to realise and come to terms with, but in 2021 I have the intention of addressing fear more thoughtfully. I just really want more from life and feel I am in a better place to tackle such thanks to some counselling and a new understanding of my mental/physical health.

Fear can be good, it’s often present when trying something new and can be necessary for growth. Fear is also a crucial element in recognising your safety and comfort zones. I often get quite irritated at myself when I’m feeling particularly fearful but in 2021 I’m hoping this will be the year of striking a balance of being aware of my comfort zones/abilities but also not being too afraid to dip my toes into new waters.

How I plan on confronting fear this year & how you can too!

Understanding comfort zones and your body
This is the number one priority, your body is your home and it’s important to keep yourself in good working order as you only get one life. Preventing yourself from entering dangerous situations or getting an injury is a must. Everyone has different abilities and levels of comfort so it’s up to you to decide on what yours are and what are acceptable boundaries to push. — Finally getting a diagnosis for the chronic health conditions I have experienced all my life has led to finally being able to recognise my own body’s comfort zones/abilities and that factually it does not match the average person. This has helped greatly with my expectations of what I can or should be doing but has also become a really good motivator in doing more of what IS possible for myself. Learning more about my own body has also helped with understanding how to keep myself safe. For example when out bouldering if I’m trying out a problem and feel myself getting fatigued or I don’t think that I can make the next move without a high chance of falling it’s much better for my body to climb down rather than push myself too hard and fall off as I have overly flexible joints that don’t enjoy the impact of jumping down even from small heights. This doesn’t mean that I won’t try that move again, it’s just something that I can take steps to work toward.
Identifying the fear, choosing activities & setting new goals
Fear is a primal instinct that can keep you safe which is good! But sometimes fear can be irrational and our brain can be our own worst enemy. It’s a helpful exercise to try and distinguish between these feelings - am I feeling fearful because I am in danger, am I feeling fearful about something I can control or manipulate, or is this fear completely irrational. Identifying the fear and making it as specific as possible has helped my anxiety and flight/fight response a lot in recent months, slowing down my thoughts and really considering the root cause when possible (sometimes I still can’t help the anxious response). For example quite a few people are afraid of flying, this fear is often rooted in the fear of crashing not flying itself. Sometimes it can help to look at facts and figures to help calm these fears, the current statistic for a plane crash is 1 in 11 million which is pretty good odds in your favour.

I’ve found that the best process for myself to tackle a fear is to choose the activity I want to do, identify any fears associated with doing this activity and set micro goals to accomplish it.

Personal example (same climbing fear as in #1 but broken down)
Activity — Getting into bouldering again when the gyms reopen
Fear/Worry/Concern — Falling & injury
How to prevent this fear — Bouldering gyms have crash pads/mats to soften the landing. When feeling fatigued or like I will fall off the next move I can climb down and try again. I can train off the climbing wall for more strength to feel more confident when climbing.
Setting micro goals — Practice strength exercises with a pull up bar and weights at home.
Testing the waters/baby steps & building confidence
The goal isn’t to eliminate fear but it really helps when you break things down like in the previous step and take it little by little. The more you try something the more confident you will be in doing that thing again and just because something doesn’t work out first time around it doesn’t mean that it should prevent you from trying again in the future.

I wouldn’t expect fear to dissipate overnight, in fact I don’t think fear ever actually goes away nor should it as it is the mechanism that keeps you safe. However I do believe a consistent effort to slow down thoughts and really consider what is making you feel this way certainly helps in the matter. I hope that by sharing my own experiences and personal process it may help you in your own journey to facing fear. Remember to keep safe and be kind to your mind and body. Take care!